Trump vs Cyril: How to approach aggressive debaters or speakers

The much-anticipated sit-down between US President Donald Trump and South Africa's Cyril Ramaphosa has resulted in much fanfare and jeering. Many were concerned that Ramaphosa would meet the same fate as embattled Ukrainian leader Volodymyr Zelensky, who was attacked and ridiculed by Trump and his cabinet during his state visit to the US.

Ramaphosa's state visit came as an opportunity for South Africa to debunk the misinformation peddled by various parties about an alleged white genocide in SA. However, Trump has never been an easy sparring mate, with few walking out of conversations or debates with him with their dignity intact.

So how does one navigate decency with a leader as difficult as Trump without losing their cool? 

“Someone who is as unpredictable and explosive as Trump needs to be approached with a lot of caution,” says Thami Pooe, MD of debating, public speaking and leadership service Tshimong. When it comes to tackling Trump, he believes the best method is to avoid provoking volatility.

“Ramaphosa came into the meeting determined not to be insulted. Not to allow [Trump] to affect his composure. We saw a number of surprises happening over and over again — even the video that they played — but very calmly he responded to that video directly while still being as composed as he was when that meeting began,” says Pooe.

But achieving this is easier said than done. With more than 20 years of communication skills development, voice coach Deborah Glover gives the following six pointers to getting your point across with someone as contentious as Trump:

• It’s essential to remain calm, responding aggressively will result in conflict. Calmness conveys confidence and earns respect. 
• Don’t raise your voice, speak in a calm, steady, but at the same time firm, confident voice tone. 
• Focus on the end result you are aiming for and not on winning the debate or discussion. Aggressive speakers want to win the debate. 
• Talk less, listen more. Keep your responses concise and allow them to do most of the talking. Dominant or aggressive people want to feel in control and prefer to do the talking rather than listening 
• Stick to facts, evidence, and avoid responding emotionally 
• If they interrupt when you are speaking, say their name firmly and ask them to allow you to finish what you are saying 

Speaking of Ramaphosa's effectiveness, Glover believed Ramaphosa fared well against Trump. However, she did observe that “he could have been better prepared for the ‘ambush’ considering what happened with Zelensky”.

“He should have presented statistics to counter Trump’s misinformation. He should definitely have had better control over his body language while being shown the video and images — it revealed his discomfort.”

Pooe also believed that Ramaphosa's style of speech was deeply contrasted with Trump's approach, in comparison to French President Emmanuel Macron, who used similar tactics to Trump in a “much more elegant” style. Pooe explains that Macron relied on engaging the audience, cameras and his constituents, which mirrored Trump's style that is typically employed by the latter to belittle his fellow speakers.

During the meeting, Ramaphosa had a few hiccups while keeping his cool when seen tapping uncontrollably or shuffling about in his chair. Pooe suggests that one be aware of their mannerisms when speaking or listening. For those who make a lot of hand gestures when speaking, it can help to control movement instead of being overly expressive as Trump often is in person and in many of his caricatures. While listening, it's important to also assume a comfortable listening posture that will not contradict what you are trying to convey.

“At first glance, we can say Ramaphosa was composed throughout but if you look a little carefully, you start to see Ramaphosa was a little more nervous than expected,” he says. Pooe advises that there's a lot to be learnt from both Ramaphosa and Trump's contrasting listening expressions. While Ramaphosa came off passive, sitting back in his seat, Trump's forward-leaning sitting position becomes aggressive and assertive in the space he is in.

Glover also believes watching one's facial expressions is important - they should always be kept neutral.

“Keep your hands still, don’t fidget. Be aware of your posture, sit up straight and avoid shifting around in your seat. Your body language or non-verbal communication sends strong signals. Strive to appear composed.”